Leave it to Luck

I've recently been going through this mid-life (assuming I only live til I'm 50ish) creativity crisis!! This wave of panic has preceeded a week of posing and basically me being a huge artistic wannabe. Since then I've shoved a bunch of stuff in a decorative birdcage and have insisted that it's genius while my roommate just stares and proclaims that it looks terribly out of place, says she doesn't get it... Also I'm pretty sure that I stopped myself from spending 60 dollars on tiny frames today. What has gotten into me? I'm loosing a sense of self worth I think. And as I was shoving old dirty window frames coated in leaves, snow and splinters into the back seat of my car at 2am, I realized that I'm half of my father (maybe more)... I imagined him doing this identical thing back in college in desperate but more importantly, cheap attempts at adding life to a college apartment just to stay sane. And I'd have been so on-board if I had two cans of neon paint and weren't held captive under a deposit fee that came from my mother's pocket. I've huge plans for the window frames that may include a jungle printed taffeta.... Hmmm...

Other important recent life realizations include the discovery of what puts bad people in good places and vice verse. It all comes down to luck and no one could possibly talk me out of it! Don't even try, my skull is as thick as...... Something big..... uh. I know that you too, have been aggrivated when someone you know is constantly living luxuriously without lifting fingers, never getting caught with their pants down, getting boob jobs from rich succesful anonimous senders, while being ugly in their free time! (By ugly I mean like ugly soul... Selfish and uncaring, unappreciative and unaware) They may lead awful lives that make me cringe, but then end up with a debt-free fantasy life. This my friend is the root of future bad parents. (I'll admit that I'm loosing sight of my argument.) But my recent offense, getting completely busted has made me think even more. I am totally unlucky in just about every aspect. If I found a penny destined to be my good luck token, I'd turn it over and find old chewed gum, or some other mysterious goo that gets me down. I don't win anything unless I've worked pretty dang hard to get it. I hadn't worked hard enough to get away with the scandle I pretended was real life. I've been humbled and brought to my knees. Stripped of my highly fashionable clothing and left alone to do some soul searching. Knowing my life-long unlucky streak I should have known it would eventually come. And on some level I think I did. I didn't care, I lived in the frivals of freedom and youth. But now I might be left with nothing more than the memories in a mansion that fell from the sky. (you with me?) So, my point, the unlucky get what comes around. Don't take risks and don't believe in Karma, be honest in your dealings and if you aren't make sure you cover all your tracks.

I don't think I'm a bad person but I admit that I'm confused. And a lot of the time I can't see the wrong in things that seem right at the time.

Or vice verse.....My roommate has a motoX shirt on.....

Song: Something to do with my hands, Her Space Holiday

You know it kills me to see such a pretty girl so tired
You've got your mother's cheekbones and your father's crooked smile
Forget all those places that you've never really been
And all those situations you somehow found yourself in
Let your body sink into me
Like your favorite memory
Like a line of poetry
Or a fucking fit of honesty
I'll do my best to keep you, keep you sleepy as the south
With my old watch on your wrist
And my thumbs inside your mouth
Suck on my fingertips until you kill all my prints
So your boyfriend has no clue
Of how much I've been touching you

My problem with me is my problem with you
It doesn't take much
For me to come unglued
I put my headphones on
And hear your favorite songs
And it kills me to know
That this won't be one of them

You know it saves me to think even for a little while
I owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on
Like in that movie theater when you whispered in my ear
I almost didn't make it
This has been my hardest year
Your job is killing you faster than a cancer could
So now you're giving up like they always said you would
You've got that old map out now and you found the farthest town
You hope that if you're lucky this is where you'll settle down
I don't care where you move
I don't care if it's far
All that I ask is that I know where you are
In case our timing is right
In case you need more from me
Than a bit of advice
Or a tongue full of sympathy

Let's be honest... If you know me, there is no explanation required. I am who I am.