I Love ya, but you make me sick

So my school life is a little rough lately, to say the least. I did get my take home test for finance done, that was fine and all, but I totally unecessarily bombed my First Aid exam. Should be common sense right? Umm... I'll just stop right there, I don't wanna talk about it. I need to get my butt into school mode. I also spent half of my math class head bobbin', then finally got up and left. I'm such a good student.

I've been busy so I need to talk about my weekend. Over all, it was a good one. I was stuck at Los a lot of the weekend, I'm getting way done with that job ps. Friday after work we just did a movie at Matt's, I feel asleep... Saturday, after the longer than long game I came home and showered!! It felt liked I hadn't in months. Damon got here and we ventured off to the mall, (where else?). We put our name in at P.F. Changs, hit Nordstrom with just enough time to outfit Damon. I bought a shirt... I can't even try to compare our shopping addictions, if anyone ever thought I was bad, no seriously you have no idea. On our way back Damon had a small run-in with the hostess, we ended up eating at Noodles. Which was fine, it was good. We met up with Chris and Rachel Lee and saw The Corpse Bride. It was amazing, Tim Burton is brilliant. Go see it if you haven't. Later we all ended up at Chris' playing games and such. I got home and another friend came to visit, so basically I was up til 5:30ish. No wonder I can't funtion in everyday real life. But it was fun, and I'm young right?

I finally pick up Love Actually today!! It's one of my favorite movies, adorable. Also, the fall issue of Flaunt, I've been waiting forever. I was sitting in Borders reading forever today over by the magizines, instinctly observing anyone who passed by. Not really meaning to, I kept over- hearing all of these testosterone influenced conversations of guys, all of course standing either in front of the sports mags, or anything with a hot chick sprawled across the cover. "Oh Paris!!" Guys make me sick sometimes, honestly. Ever conversation without fail was about either the girl on the front of Stuff or GQ, stats, dirty movies or their flavor of the week who always "wants them so bad!" This behavior is upsetting and so old. Now I can't lie and say that it doesn't feel good to see a few heads turn now and then, but I'm convinced that anything with even just a little bit of boy in it has some sort of monster hiding in it's closet. Even your best friend that you've known for years... Drugs, porn addiction, lying, cheating, cross dressing etc. etc. Instead of soaking in my bitter digust I choose the company of gay men, good friends and hot girls rather than any boy that glances my way. Tara, my roommate says that I'm just too picky, but she'll hang out with anyone and everyone. While this really honestly is something I love about her because she's always going out, meeting new people, I veer away from this behavior and watch as every new male in her life turns from casual, exciting interests to complete arrogent, manipulating psychos that take up way too much of her study time. Either that or pathetic desperate messes. Who has time for this? So I choose my way. Keep good friends, hey friends with benefits are not even discouraged as long as it is kept casual. Anyhow, my two cents. Lets clean it up boys, I love ya but you're disgusting.

Oh I got a new roommate, Annie. She's super cute, this makes 307 a whole again. Also, bonus, she's 21 and can be the source of my believeable fake ID! She's short and blonde, totally convincing. No, but she should be a ton of fun.

Song of the day: Anything by Sigur Ros

Actually they should be the theme for the whole weekend. Damon and I were listening to their new album, beautiful. Good for so many things. I fall asleep to their music too often. It doesn't even matter that you have no idea what they're saying. I was playing them all Sunday morning, Tara said that it sounded like cats... They just don't understand.

REUNION

So, pretty much, Karma's a bitch!!! It's a sad thing when you come home and tell your roommate about your day and she says, "Ya your life really sucks right now." But I'm trying to stay positive. My life is totally fine, just a string of bad luck and bitter feelings. I really need to start being nicer and stop being so honest.

Today was actually a good day for me. I didn't have to work or anything so that's always a plus. I woke up for yoga, points for me. I love yoga so much, it's great to start your day with. The hard thing is convincing yourself every morning that that is actually the case. Mornings literally hurt for me. That's the only bad thing about not living with my folks, my dad used to come in daily and drag my butt out of bed. Anyhow, I got a good workout in and then I got to go to jazz 5 tonight which was amazing and is always so theraputic. The combo Alesa did was not out of control technically so I really had a chance to live in it.

I also got to talk to a lot of my friends that I don't always get to speak with or see. We all have crazy lives you know. Cami came with me to class, it's always good to see that chap. Her missionary comes home next Tuesday so we had a good long talk about that. I gotta speak to Ross, that's a rarety these days. We love talking about all of our boy issues. And then when I got home I got to speak to Kuch!! Now, I miss this girl more than anything. Especially before she left we were pretty inseparable. It's one of those friendships you have that you realize that no one else really gets you... So we had a great talk, got to be ourselves without having to explain every sarcastic remark or offend. She's in New York being a little nanny. Man I miss this girl.

Oh, I think my roommate Candace thinks I'm a complete spazz. I don't think she's got a chance to really get to know me yet. She always just sort of laughs softly and looks the other way when I go off on all of my little tangents. And you should have seen the look on her face when I came in and asked her if she believed in ghosts. She just gave me this blank stare, like "are you serious about life?" Yes I am, I sware on everything that there was one in the room with me, it was in Tiffany's old room. Maybe that's why she was in such a hurry to take off. If that's the case, I don't blame her.

Also, I get confused. Whenever there are family issues, there is always mixed feelings among family members. My mom is freaking out right now, this scares me to death! I tense up and my mind races. Then others act so nonchalantly. What am I supposed to think and feel about the situation? Not that it's about me... Does that make sense? Mostly, I'm still pretty numb to it. It's like an expected ordeal. The Keller's are due for another major, life endangering health problem. What's new? Let's at least mix it up a little, how about a drug addiction... bankruptcy anyone? Siamese twins or something?

As for this girl, I have a test to study for... I think. It may or may not be a take home. Uhh... So mostly I'll probably just go catch up on my MTVs. No, I think I'll really study.

*Song of the day: Beth Hart, I'll get by

We did a trio to this song my senior year. I loved that dance. Alesa played this song for warm-up and it just brought back so many memories. If there was ever a "feel good" dance, this was one. It made me feel like I was dancing again, in my second home. However, there is always the reality that I don't look near as good in the tiny shorts as I used to.

DEBUT

So, I've been meaning to do something like this for such a long time. I'm horrible at keeping a journal, but I think it's super important... So here I go, this should be much easier. And if she's good, I'll even give this address to my mom. It may just completely eliminate the paranoid interrogation..... Let's not kid ourselves, what is this a dream world?

Just so he knows, this is completely inspired by Chris!! I looked up his blog recently to download some fabulous action photos from dancing and I thought it was a great idea. Semi-fabulous photos, I'm so not photogenic. There are a couple good ones however.

So I can't help it, but I've been checking my email every few minutes the entire time I've been setting this whole thing up. I'm waiting to see if Corbin emails me this week! Why? Well you see he writes me every week. In fact I don't think he's missed one in the entire almost two years he's been gone. Why am I freaking out? I'm NOT freaking out, but I wrote him an email last week basically saying that I wasn't going to write him for awhile. Thinking he'd be all concerned, I anxiously opened his response to find five words almost lauging in my face! "Alright, good luck. Love ya." I was terribly irritated, got over it, told friends, asked for advice..... Now it's Wednesday again. This whole episode begins again. I didn't write him because I said I wasn't, and I don't lie unless it's to spare feelings. (sometimes I lie about prices too) I really want to however, but it's better that I don't. I'm way too impulsive and would write something that would just make things worse. So I'm just not going to worry about it for a while longer. I plan to write some huge grand letter that fixes all things!! I really wouldn't worry about anything before he comes home but then I'd have to sit with the information and let it spoil. It would just turn into stinky rotten garbage and be way worse. Nope, I'm gettin it all out.

I took a math test today and know I completely bombed. YAY!! Sad thing is, I had done at least one problem like every single test question in the two day, 14 hour math marathon I had just finished the past two days. I always tense up on tests. I don't know why... It's way too crappy. I've never been much of a test taker. I should have just gone dancing last night!! Argh, the extra studying didn't make an ounce of difference. ...... Did I just say argh?

Well, gotta run, work awaits.

*Song of the day: Tegan and Sara, Where Does the Good Go.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive." Made me laugh so hard. I was listening to this song as I was walking into my apartment building, staring and my reflection in the glass door at my orphanaged image. (I love making up words) Wow! Have I let myself go or what? I hate to get ready. Makeup? Lost art. Wake up, a few minutes before class, throw on some clothes. It usually goes, one item from the floor paired with one from the closet. Stumble into class with my red bull in hand. (a good healthy breakfast is vital) Who wouldn't want this?!! Attraction... huh.

"How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down?" Not that I'm some sad shriveled mess, but it seem like everyone around me is in this grand blissful state of life. And frankly, I just can't compete with that right now. Me and and Emily were laughing on Saturday night. She put it perfectly, "I'm Candice, I work at Los Hermanos and I smell like a burrito!"