Ms Puppeteer

Thus far, in my 21 years of life...3 and a half years of adulthood, one thing I'm sure I know about myself with no questions is the plain and simple fact that I'm not a faker. It's really no big deal, but it's come to my attention lately as I've attempted the task at putting on a front that doesn't belong to me. I plead guilty and know that I'm not pulling it off.... everyone knows.

For those who are confused, let me illuminate a few things for you. There are huge differences (in my head) in being fake and pretending. I live my life in a make believe world, no secret there. I pretend to live lavishly, having money to burn and throwing out the most expensive cheese. I like to pretend I know a thing or two about life, money and decorating. I advise at the sight of tears and struggle like I know all, and am sure of the outcome. Correct judgment is placed within seconds of our meeting. It's completely necessary to own a stiletto in EVERY color. In my make believe world, less effort is more attractive..... the more unmatched, the better match is born...... and I'm seen to be unique and perfectly myself rather than lazy. Leave me in my world I beg! I'm happy and safe there.

The reality that's been processing inside me is the fact that I can't fake a thing! I make my judgments with the most blunt expressions, I wear it all on my face and it's apparent by my actions. I can't hold back, I say what's in my head without thinking. It's like someone's controlling me like a robot....But it's my brain and innate emotions pressing the buttons. I've no choice but to obey and do as my master says....My master being...well me. This can be aggrivating!! What do I do when I need a cover up? When he need not know how bugged I actually am? Rather than play sweet, unbothered, understanding... my reflex vomiting bares all. I'm naked....and the drama unfolds. At the end of it all I usually just realize that most of the problems are problems that can be fixed on my own, in other words, it's all me!!

I'm stuck and wanna ditch my Master! Help........