Love me don't leave me

Today my sister found out that she is having a little baby girl! This defies any trust that we had in my mother's needle. But I'm stoked nevertheless. We were all expecting our first little nephew. Syd and Madi will have another little cous!!!

Next week is finals, how excited am I to be done with school?! I figure I've got 2 out of 4. Unless my zainy little Finance professor pulls some impossible test from nowhere. He's insane and his class is the most unstructured course I've ever taken. I've learned quite a bit though.

For like 4 days now I've been completely nostalgic, I feel like I'm in a daze 100 percent of the time. It's the wierdest feeling.

Along with my song, I've gotta note that I've also been obsessed with The Royal Tenenbaums. It's the most amazing movie ever made. Enjoy Ciao.

Song: Skeleton Jar, Youth Group

A friend asked me the other day to explain what I meant when I posted "I hate you for liking me." (we love myspace, hate it acutally) Here I am to explain. This is actually from the song Skeleton Jar by lovely Youth Group.

Skeleton Jar

I feel like hell, you feel like dancing.
You know this bar curtains a world.
Those empty bottles, like sentinals,
stand guard in the morning sun.

Then the lights go down and all the
people gather round and you
feel you are a skeleton jar
oh yeah.

Be like the brother I never had,
be like the real son to my dad.
How can you stand there and
watch this scene. I hate you for
liking me.

Why am I so miserable if these
are the best years of my life
goes by like a train I just missed
out on being part of the community
"don't go just stay with me" were
all that they heard from me.

Love me don't leave me just stay
with me don't leave me I've never
known another who could just please
me the way that you please me
don't go just stay with don't go
just stay with were all they heard from me.

I adore these lyrics because they so perfectly articulate my soul lately.... I feel like I'm going through this great learning phase in life. Bitterness and depression come along with this unfortunately. But I'm one of those people that think people are put in your life for a reason. And I'm so lucky in the sense that I've got tons of people to lean on as I test the waters and feel completely discontent with myself. You all don't realize how much our talks and descussions of life effect me and my way of thinking. I'm been blessed with wise friends and family. For instance, just now a friend just popped in who I haven't seen in ages and we sat and talked for 2 hours, he said all the right things that I needed to hear.

"I hate you for liking me." A lot of the excuses I have for not dating or getting close to certain people is simply because I don't really love who I am right now. I don't hate who I am either, can I claim indifference? I just don't feel comfortable with letting someone love the not-best me. It also really bothers me when someone thinks they are making me feel better by telling me that I'm this great and wonderful person and I shouldn't worry so much about being serious about life. I know this is bull shit, just don't. I know what needs to be done, and maybe I should be worrying more! So my plea is simply put in this song, "don't go, just stay with me."

In spite of my "misery" (the song is a bit more dramatic obviously) I still feel like these are the best years of my life. I've never been happier about the people that take up my time and thoughts. Another conflicting phrase.... A lot of the time I DO feel like hell, but I ALWAYS feel like dancing!!! I know how to celebrate the good and the bad.

So, "love me don't leave me."